Saturday Morning

I am grateful for my horses.

I was the typical horse addicted little girl: horses filled my dreams, my waking thoughts and my imagination.  Breyer horses occupied the space on my shelves that wasn't filled with books about horses.  I wished for a horse until it seemed that having a horse would fulfill every wish in the world.  But having a horse wasn't possible in my family, and so I buried the dream beneath layers of explanation.  "I can't have a horse because of money ...space ... time" eventually became "because I'm not the kind of person who can have a horse."  And that became "I'm not the kind of person whose dreams come true". 

I lived with that belief about myself for most of my young adult life, and manifested it in many 'failures': failure to get pregnant, failure to be loved as I wanted to be loved, failure to create joy for myself.  But then I happened upon the world of horse rescue, and that small happenstance became the catalyst for enormous changes in my thinking and in my life.

By the time I found out about horse abuse and slaughter, I was already a neophyte metaphysician.  I believed Ernest Holmes' commandment: "Change your thinking and change your life", but I saw only its most surface implications.  I had not yet grasped the reality that all of the conditions of my life arose from my thoughts and beliefs, so changing those beliefs didn't occur to me.  Even less did I realize that I needed to explore the things I believed about myself and the world if I wanted my life to change for the better.

But one day while searching the internet for a place to take riding lessons, I stumbled upon Harvest Moon Ranch.  Buried in a page about some of their horses was a reference to horse slaughter, and an organization in Washington that was rescuing horses who were bound for slaughter.  I immediately found the website for that organization, saw the photos of the horses they were hoping to rescue from the feedlot, and fell in love.  I saw a chestnut mare they called Speckles, and recognized the gorgeous horse I had often dreamed about owning as a child.  But seeing her photo wasn't enough to overcome my belief that "I wasn't the kind of person who could have a horse".  It wasn't until I saw the photo of a younger chestnut mare called "Spirrah" that I recognized a compelling plea for help.  The look in her eyes spoke directly to my soul, and I knew that this horse needed my help. 

So, even though I believed I wasn't good enough, rich enough, blessed enough, I made the decision to rescue these two mares.  Suddenly, the girl who couldn't have horses became the girl who had two rescues who needed her, whose very lives depended on her.  That was the beginning of the end of a belief that had held me captive far too long.  Because rescuing those beautiful horses shattered that belief I was able to begin the process of looking at all of the beliefs that were creating my life. 

Since then I have been able to identify and gradually change many of the 'truths' I had accepted about myself and my world and replace them with Truth as I understand it now.  My life has never been better, and I know that this is only the beginning of the changes I will create for myself and others.  I owe all of this to Speckles and Spirrah, now lovingly known as Gualala and Pippin. 

And so I am grateful to my horses, whose peril became the catalyst for change and whose well-being gives me motivation when I struggle to find it for myself.  Thank you, Divine Spirit, Creator of all that is beautiful, for my horses.